John's fingers lace with his, an immediate reflex for closeness, and tighten at every confession. His eyes are wide and startled. In this moment, there is no resemblance to the monster from those sandy depths: he has never looked so bewildered, so overwhelmed.

"I was... more than willing, Serph." John cannot imagine that his willingness was ever in doubt. He was the one to drag them down together, entangled beyond all understanding. "Of course I... T-that is, in the moment..." He makes a frustrated, helpless noise. "I don't want to enjoy hurting you. That's not the sort of creature, the sort of person, I want to be."